Sam Alone
by BizzyLizzy
Summary: After Meridian and Revelations, Sam struggles to come to terms with Daniel's departure. NOW COMPLETED.
1. Falling Apart

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SPOILERS: Meridian, Revelations

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Sam Alone: Falling Apart

Sam had been quiet all through the meal. After their briefing following the rescue of Thor and Heimdal the remaining members of SG1 had gone out for something to eat, trying to repair the gap left by Daniel's absence, to keep the bonds of team-ship and friendship alive and strong.

Jack was keeping an eye on his second in command who seemed oblivious to his glances, picking at her food and looking as if she would rather be anywhere than here with her CO who could not see how much she needed to talk to him about Daniel's departure.

*Dammit,* Sam thought to herself. *I thought we were a team, I thought we were friends. Why did he shut me out like that? He doesn't seem to care that Daniel's gone. Maybe he never cared, doesn't care about any of us.* 

'So Teal'c, how do you like Mexican food?' Jack asked Teal'c, trying to maintain a sense of normality.

'It is - interesting,' Teal'c responded, tilting his head to one side as he studied the forkful of food in front of him, the gesture telling Jack that Teal'c wasn't particularly enjoying the spicy food. 

'Well, you have to try everything at least once, that's my philosophy anyway.' Jack grinned at him. 'So, do you guys want to come back to my place?' Jack extended the offer of friendship, looking at Sam and willing her to say yes. He was hurting too, just as he knew she was hurting but it was difficult for him to show it. He'd spent years putting up barriers to his feelings and it was not easy letting his emotions show, offering his house to his team was his way of helping close those wounds, re-establishing their closeness.

Sam said nothing and Jack wondered if she had even heard him. At last she looked into his eyes, trying to read what was there. For a moment she must have seen something she liked as her own eyes softened momentarily and he could see a hint of a smile at the corners of her mouth, but just as quickly her face hardened again and she stood to leave.

'I'm sorry, sir, I really don't feel like being around anyone, I'm going to head home. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, night Teal'c.' And before anyone else could speak Sam was gone, climbing into a passing cab.

'What about you Teal'c?' Jack asked, hoping he would at least have the company of his Jaffa friend.

'My apologies O'Neill, but I must perform kel'noreem. It has been some time since I was last able to regenerate in this way and I must do so now.'

'Ok, I'll give you a lift back.'

*************

'Damn!' Jack muttered under his breath as he picked up the piece of paper on his desk. It was a message to tell him Carter had rung in sick. She'd even called early enough to avoid speaking to him. What the hell was going on here? Ok, she'd seemed a little withdrawn when they'd gone out last night, but that was understandable, they'd had a difficult time and.

Without continuing this line of thought, Jack made his way quickly to Teal'c's quarters, tapped on the door and entered before he heard the Jaffa's deep voice say 'Enter.'

'Teal'c, how are you doing?' Jack jumped straight to the point of his visit.

'I am well, O'Neill,' Teal'c reassured him raising one eyebrow.

'No, I mean how are you _really_ doing? With the whole Daniel thing.' 

'I performed the proper ritual after I returned last night. I regret the loss of Daniel Jackson and would wish this had not happened, but the past cannot be changed and I have accepted what has occurred.'

'And Carter - how do you think she's dealing with it?' Jack was starting to feel uneasy, Sam had tried to talk to him but he had dismissed her concerns, not being ready to explore his own feelings at that time. He had an uneasy feeling he'd let his team down badly.

'Why do you not ask her yourself?' Teal'c asked, never having understood the problems humans had addressing their innermost feelings, instead they would bottle them up and allow them to affect their judgment and sometimes their health.

'There's something you're not telling me,' Jack said, sensing Teal'c was holding something back.

Teal'c looked steadily at Jack, holding his gaze, his face remaining impassive as he replied bluntly. 'Major Carter and yourself would do well to tell each other how you are truly feeling regarding Daniel Jackson's departure, as would I. Perhaps we should arrange to discuss the situation away from the SGC.'

Jack looked at Teal'c thoughtfully, nodded an acknowledgement of his statement and quietly left to consider what to do next.

Jack kept himself busy through the day, catching up with paper work and entering into discussions with General Hammond regarding a fourth member for SG1. After this meeting Jack walked quickly back to Daniel's office, shutting the door behind him before he sat himself on one of the chairs, surveying the room and feeling glad that no one had yet gotten around to packing up Daniel's personal belongings. Here Jack was able to feel free to consider how he was really dealing with Daniel's ascension.

He was pretty cut up that his best friend was no longer around, but he also knew from that weird conversation he'd had with Daniel and Oma Desala that Daniel wasn't dead, and that wherever Daniel had gone was where he had wanted to be, it was his decision to move on and deep down Jack was glad Daniel would not have to suffer the incapacity caused by the radiation burns. 

A question popped into his mind and he turned to ask Daniel for an explanation and that's when it finally hit home. Daniel may not be dead, but he was also no longer around and he had no idea when or if he would ever see him again. He was as good as dead and he remembered how he'd pushed Carter away when she had challenged his insistence on continuing their work, telling her Daniel wasn't dead and they needed to get back out there. 

Sam was an excellent officer who would have her own command one day, in the not too distant future if he had any say in the matter. As an officer she did all that could be expected of her and more, demonstrating a strength of character and determination in the field. She was also one of the best in her field of astro-physics and put everything into her work when the opportunity arose, saving them all on more than one occasion. But in all of this, it was easy to overlook the fact that Sam was a thinking, feeling person with the emotions to match. Not everyone was able or wanted to hide their feelings and sometimes you just had to let them out in order to survive. He'd learnt that the hard way, being so close to self-destruction that only being recalled to the first Stargate mission had stopped him pulling the trigger and blowing his brains out. A coward's way out, for someone too afraid to face up to the way they were feeling and work through it.

Sam was much stronger than that, no matter what anyone said, letting your emotions out took a lot of strength but sometimes you needed friends and family around you to help you work through it.

Jack picked up the phone and dialled her number. The phone rang and rang but was not answered. He tried her cell phone, only to be told it was not switched on. He paced up and down Daniel's office for a while, trying to figure out what to do, eventually deciding on a course of action and acting on it before he could change his mind.

**************

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To be continued.


	2. Road To Recovery

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Sam Alone: Road To Recovery

Teal'c clutched the bag of groceries while Jack rang the doorbell. When he received no response, he banged on the door.

'Carter will you open up!' Jack called out impatiently, knowing Sam was in as her car was parked out front. After five minutes of trying Jack gave up knocking and pulled out the spare key to Sam's house, letting them both in.

'Carter?' Jack spoke softly as he led the way through to the lounge, not wanting to startle Sam. 

The lounge was dimly lit and music was playing softly. Jack and Teal'c both noticed Sam at the same time, curled up on the couch wearing a t-shirt and sweat pants, hugging a pillow to herself with a crumpled tissue in one hand. She was asleep, her eyes red rimmed and swollen, looking very much like she had cried herself to sleep. Jack felt an immense surge of guilt at what she had been going through on her own, torn between gathering her up in his arms to comfort her and leaving her to sleep. Her pale face decided him, figuring that she looked exhausted and would benefit from sleep right now.

Jack pulled Teal'c into the kitchen and spoke quietly to him before he proceeded to make himself at home, preparing something for them all to eat later. Teal'c, meanwhile, found a comforter and covered Sam up before making himself comfortable on the floor to wait until Major Carter awoke or dinner was ready, whichever was the sooner.

***********

Something was wrong. Her head felt like a ton weight and her stomach was churning restlessly. She gradually swam towards wakefulness and noticed first that she wasn't alone and second that cooking smells were coming from her kitchen. She took a moment to realise that she hadn't been burgled but that Teal'c was sitting opposite her and that it was the Colonel who she could hear whistling softly to himself in her kitchen, before she threw aside the comforter and made an unsteady dash for the bathroom.

Crashing down on her knees in front of the toilet bowl, her stomach heaved until she had emptied its contents. Sitting back on her heels she reached an unsteady hand for the flush, only to find a large black hand doing this for her before it placed a damp flannel in her hand, the other hand rubbing her back in soothing circles. Sam closed her eyes, feeling weak and unable to move just yet, tears trickling down her face, her head pounding.

She sat without moving, trying to bring her rebelling body under control, but she could hear voices. Teal'c right behind her, the Colonel in the doorway, and she felt comforted at their presence.

'How's she doing?' Jack was asking.

'I am unsure. Major Carter appears to be unwell.' Teal'c replied.

'Well I coulda figured that one out for myself Teal'c,' Jack retorted. 'Shouldn't we get her to bed or something?'

'I believe that when Major Carter is ready to move she will let us know,' Teal'c spoke calmly, with authority, and Sam was glad she didn't have to think about moving just yet. 

A few minutes later a smell wafted through from the kitchen, the smell of cooking food that would normally have made her feel hungry but in her present condition, all she could think of was getting back to the toilet bowl and heaving what was left in her stomach. This time it was over quickly as there was little left to come up and Sam sat back again, allowing Teal'c to flush the toilet and resume rubbing her back. The nausea was passing rapidly leaving her with a dull ache in her stomach while the pounding in her head continued, accompanied by a feeling of dizziness. Deciding that it was really too much effort to move, she closed her eyes, her body relaxed and she passed out, to be caught by Teal'c before she could hit the floor. 

Teal'c lifted her easily and carried her to her bedroom where Jack had preceded them to turn down the bed coverings. Between them they made her as comfortable as possible, Jack placing a hand on her forehead and realising she was also running a temperature.

'I guess when she rang in sick she really was sick,' Jack spoke quietly to Teal'c before he made his way to the phone to call Dr Fraiser, knowing she would make a home visit for her friend.

***********

'…probably a combination of the ribbon device Osiris used on her and a reaction to what happened to Daniel.'

Sam could hear a familiar voice talking and she wondered which poor soul in the infirmary was receiving such a gloomy sounding diagnosis. She cracked an eye open and saw Janet with the Colonel and Teal'c near the door. More alert now as she realised it was her they were talking about and that she was in her own bed, she sat upright, catching the attention of the others in the room. Janet was at her side immediately.

'Take it easy, Sam,' Janet said calmly, pressing her back down on to the bed. 'You'll feel much better if you lie down.'

Sam lay gratefully back on the pillows, her head was throbbing and spinning and she looked hazily at the faces watching her, wondering why they were all in her bedroom before her eyes closed again. 

'I want her in the infirmary,' Janet continued speaking to Jack and Teal'c. 'Even after all this time I'm still unsure what effect a ribbon device has on humans and I don't want to risk her deteriorating further.'

'Is that absolutely necessary?' Jack tried to argue.

'Yes it is,' Janet's words were uncompromising. 'Give her a couple of days to get over the worst and then I'll see about releasing her, but right now I need her where I can keep an eye on her.'

'She is going to be alright isn't she doc?' Jack asked.

'I think so,' Dr Fraiser replied. 'Hopefully the nausea and fever should subside pretty quickly and once that happens, she should begin to recover.' She paused for a moment, then continued, speaking bluntly. 'I know you've all had a tough time with Daniel leaving, but for some reason Sam is taking it harder and her body has basically protested and is forcing her to slow right down.'

'How may we be of assistance in aiding Major Carter's recovery?' Teal'c asked the burning question.

'She needs her friends around her and when she's ready, to talk things through with her. In fact,' Janet looked straight at Jack, challenging him, 'You all need to work things out between you.'

***********

'…he's dead…stop…already told you…dead…dead…' Jack, waking with a start, could hear Sam mumbling in her sleep. He straightened up in the hard plastic chair he was sitting on, easing the kinks out of his neck and listened for more. There was silence for a while, disturbed only by the sound of Sam tossing and turning in her sleep, then came a sound of sobbing and she spoke again. '…he's gone…dead…he's dead…not coming back…no!' 

'Carter - Sam,' Jack spoke her name softly, trying to bring her back to the present, but she seemed oblivious to his presence and continued moving restlessly. He placed a hand on her shoulder, shaking her gently. This time she stared at him and she stilled for a moment, before her eyes drifted away again and she resumed tossing in the bed. 

Jack, sitting on the edge of the bed now, patted her shoulder, leaving his hand there as he noticed an immediate change. Sam's body relaxed, her muttering stopped and she became still, soon her breathing deepened, became more regular and she slept more peacefully. Easing himself away from the bed and back to his chair, he noticed Sam becoming restless the minute she felt the physical contact break. Sighing, he took one of her hands in his and squeezed it gently, thankful that it had the desired effect. With his other arm on the bed, Jack rested his head on it and was soon asleep.

'Daniel!' Jack was woken suddenly by Sam calling out for their missing friend. Jack spoke soothingly to her, maintaining his hold on her hand, and eventually she calmed down, but he could see the pain in her face and knew that the surviving members of SG1 needed to work something out before the team fell apart. 

************

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To be continued…


	3. Working Together

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Sam Alone: Working Together

Sam became aware of voices talking quietly. Her body was aching all over, her head was throbbing but her stomach seemed to have settled down. Lying with her eyes closed, she tried to figure out what was going on.

She was in the infirmary and the voices she could hear belonged to the Colonel and Teal'c. 

'Daniel!' Sam sat up abruptly as she recalled what had happened, confused memories surfacing of telling Osiris that he was dead.

Immediately there was an arm around her, a hand on the back of her head holding her against a shoulder, against someone who smelt familiar. Feeling comforted, she remained still for a few minutes, then her brain kicked in and she realised it was the Colonel holding her. Startled, she pulled away from him and looked from him to Teal'c in confusion, looking for an explanation.

'Major Carter,' Teal'c greeted her from his position on the floor to one side of the bed. 'How are you feeling?'

'I…uh…what..?' Sam stumbled out, unable to make her mouth connect to her brain.

'You've been ill, Sam,' Jack informed her, the use of her first name going unnoticed by Sam. 'That ribbon thingy that Osiris used on you caused all sorts of side effects. Upshot is, you've been pretty sick and ole Doc Fraiser hauled your butt back to the infirmary before you could click your heels three times. You've been here two days.' 

'Oh.' Sam considered this for a minute. 'There's something else isn't there?'

Jack looked uncomfortable for a minute and was saved from answering by Teal'c.

'Your illness has been made worse by the grief caused by Daniel Jackson's departure. Dr Fraiser believes we are all reacting in different ways and that we need the opportunity to discuss the matter.'

'As the big guy said,' Jack confirmed to a dazed looking Sam. 'So - how are you doing?'

'Um, my head aches and I feel like someone's been using me for soccer practice but my stomach feels much better.' Sam replied, a small smile hovering around her mouth. 'Anything to eat round here?'

'Are you sure about that?' Jack asked, a glint in his eyes. 'The last thing I cooked made you head straight for the bathroom.'

'Maybe we should go for a safer option then - what about pizza?' Sam asked hopefully, but knowing that Janet's instructions would have strictly ruled out junk food.

'I'm afraid not. I'll go see what I can scare up for you.' Jack smiled at her as he stood up. 'How does soup sound?'

'I feel like I could eat a horse, sir,' Sam replied, throwing off the covers to sit up.

'What do you think you're doing?' A new voice spoke up. 'How are you feeling Sam?'

'Hungry. I was going to get something for her,' Jack informed Janet, jerking his head in Teal'c's direction, telling him to accompany him to allow Dr Fraiser the privacy to examine her patient.

When they were gone, Janet set about checking Sam over. 'So how are you feeling?' She repeated the question.

'I've got a headache and I feel achy all over,' Sam replied, looking down at her hands which were twisting the sheet.

'And?' Janet prompted.

'I don't know, I just feel…'

'Like the world just ended, that everything is hopeless?' Suggested Janet.

'Yeah,' Sam sighed, relieved in a way to get her feelings out in the open. 'I guess I'm missing Daniel more than I thought I would. We've so nearly lost him before, but now…' Sam thought for a while before continuing. 'It's like he never existed and life is going on just like normal. It's just so hard, Janet.'

'I know,' Janet sympathised with her. 'It may not help much at the moment, but the others feel exactly the same and you really should talk to them. You were one of the closest teams I ever came across and you mustn't let this tear you apart. Promise me you'll talk to them?'

'I don't know if I can,' Sam's face was troubled. 'I don't know if we can make things right again.'

'Think about it,' Janet pushed. 'And you can always talk to me, you know that don't you?' Sam nodded, relieved when Jack returned with a tray and Janet left.

'Here you go - only the finest of food in this establishment, I'll have you know,' Jack said lightly as he placed the tray on Sam's lap. 

Sam wolfed down the soup and sandwich Jack had brought her - until he grabbed her hand to stop her making herself sick. 'Hey, slow down will you? You've not eaten anything for three days, you really don't want to make yourself sick again.' Sam resumed eating but more slowly, chewing each mouthful of sandwich thoroughly and taking sips of the soup, savouring the flavours and comforting feeling of good, warm food inside her once again.

When she had finished, she heaved a sigh, feeling tired again but stronger than before now she wasn't quite as empty. Her first action after Jack removed the tray was to move to get out of bed again.

'Where are you going?' Jack asked.

'I have to use the bathroom. Now, if you don't mind…?' 

Jack reluctantly stood to one side to allow her to sit up, then stand, steadying her when she swayed slightly and looked to be in danger of falling over.

Sam clung to Jack's arm for support for a few moments, getting her bearings again, then, still leaning on the proffered arm, made her way to the bathroom where Jack left her at the doorway.

'Are you sure you're going to be alright?' Jack asked, concern showing in his face and tone.

'I'll be fine, sir,' Sam assured him. 'Anyway, you can't really do this for me can you?' She smiled wanly at him, before shutting the door behind her, only to have it pulled open before she could lock it.

'Don't go locking it now - if you're not out in ten minutes I'm coming in.' Jack spoke firmly before closing the door again.

Smiling to herself, she set about making using of the facilities, deciding she really needed to take a shower as well, allowing the hot water to cleanse her of the sticky staleness caused by lying in bed for two days with a fever. She stepped out of the shower, patted herself dry and grabbed a clean gown to put on. Studying her reflection in the mirror as she brushed her teeth, she thought how awful she still looked. Her face was pale and there were dark shadows under her eyes which told her how ill she had actually been. She rinsed her mouth and opened the bathroom door just as Jack was about to knock to check up on her.

'Better?' He asked her.

'Much, thanks.' Sam spoke quietly as she felt a wave of dizziness sweep over her. The effort of showering had taken more out of her than she had realised, and although she felt much better for it, she thought maybe she should have listened to the Colonel's concerns. She took a tentative step towards her bed but felt her legs give way, and found Jack's arms supporting her and walking her to the bed. She lay down thankfully and was soon sound asleep once more.

**************

The following morning Sam woke feeling a little groggy but on the whole a lot better than she had been. She cracked her eyes open as she heard the door open and saw a nurse walk in, smiling at her and greeting her as she set about checking her over.

'How am I doing?' Sam asked.

'Well, you're temperature is normal although your BP is a little on the high side still. Apart from that, you're in pretty good shape.'

'Thanks.'

After the nurse left, she headed for the bathroom again, just taking long enough to brush her teeth and wash her face before going in search of Dr Fraiser. She didn't have far to go. Informed by the nurse that Sam was awake, Janet was already on her way to see her.

'Sam, what are you doing up?' Janet asked, trying to sound stern but pleased to see her up and about and more with it today.

'I wanted to see you,' Sam said as she sat back on the bed. 'I'm feeling much better now, can I go home?'

Janet checked Sam's chart and considered the request before replying. 'Ok, but I don't want you going home on your own, someone will need to stay with you just in case you become ill again.'

'I think that would be our job,' Jack's voice spoke from behind Janet, Teal'c just behind him. 'We were just bringing you some breakfast.' Jack held up a box containing muffins as he dragged up a chair and sat himself down, offering the box to Sam and Janet before helping himself. 'That is if you don't mind,' Jack turned to Sam, a sudden fear that maybe she wouldn't them around, would prefer one of her female friends maybe.

'I'd like that,' Sam said eventually, pushing the feelings of unease to the back of her mind.

'Cool,' Jack announced. 'When do we leave?'

'When you're ready,' Janet smiled at him, seeing how eager he was to get out of the infirmary as quickly as possible. 'Just remember, if you notice any unusual symptoms you need to return, make sure she gets plenty of rest, no caffeine and no junk food. Is that clear?' Jack, Teal'c and Sam all nodded meekly, then Sam was left on her own to get herself dressed.

************

Sam had been settled comfortably on the couch with a couple of pillows and a comforter over her and been given strict instructions not to move from there. She had been left on her own for a short time while Jack and Teal'c had gone to the supermarket to lay in some supplies after Jack had taken one look in her fridge.

'Carter, did you realise that all you've got in here is some sour milk, dried up cheese and a few leaves of slimy lettuce?' Jack disgustedly held up these items for her to see before he dropped them in the trash can.

'I haven't had much time for shopping recently, sir,' Sam apologised.

'Well, if we're going to obey the good doctor's orders, I suggest we hit the shops. You want to come Teal'c?' Receiving an enthusiastic agreement from Teal'c, the two of them had left and Sam settled herself down with the TV remote and began surfing the channels, watching the end of an old movie before surfing again. By this time, Jack and Teal'c had returned and she could hear them making themselves at home in her kitchen. Half an hour later, she could smell something very appetising. 

Forgetting her instructions to take it easy, she stood up and stood by the kitchen counter watching as Teal'c was instructing Colonel O'Neill in the finer aspects of Chulakian cuisine. 

'Major Carter,' Teal'c said as he noticed her arrival. 'You are feeling better?'

'Yes Teal'c, thanks. Wow,' Sam replied. 'What is that you're cooking up - it smells wonderful.' Sam took a few steps closer to the kitchen, eager to get a closer look at the dish, but Jack headed her off.

'Whoa there, Carter,' he said, taking her by the arm to lead her to the couch. 'No cookery for you I'm afraid. Didn't I tell you not to move from the couch?'

'But sir…' Sam tried to protest.

'No buts, Major,' Jack emphasised the rank. 'You're just gonna have to let us take care of you for a while.'

Jack smiled at her, a tentative smile that seemed to say he was trying to make amends for the way he had been recently. Sam opened her mouth to argue but shut it again and smiled shyly instead, accepting the unspoken apology, and settled herself on the couch. Turning the TV back on, she found one of the music channels to watch, something that wouldn't grate on her nerves or require too much thought. 

Ten minutes later Jack called 'Lunch is up,' and placed the plates on the table, waiting for Sam to come over. When she didn't move, he called her name softly.

'Carter?' No response. 'Sam?' he tried this time. Still nothing.

He walked over to Sam, mesmerised by a song playing on the music channel she had tuned into. Putting out a hand to touch her on the arm, he pulled back when he saw tears on her face and listened to the song playing.

__

"There are those who fail, there are those who fall

There are those who will never win

Then there are those who fight for the things they believe

And these are men like you and me."**

Jack had never heard the song before but it had a haunting quality to it, one that really tugged at his deepest emotions. He listened until the song finished.

__

" In my dream we walked, you and I to the shore

Leaving footprints by the sea,

And when there was just one set of prints in the sand

That was when you carried me;

"You have always been such a good friend to me

Through the thunder and the rain

And when you're feeling lost in the snows of New York

Lift your heart and think of me."**

The tears were coming down more freely now, and Jack could feel his eyes prickling with the build up of emotion in himself. He took the remote from Sam's numb fingers and clicked the television off, settling himself on the couch beside her, unsure of what to do next. Sam turned to look at him, the sorrow, the loss, the pain showing in her eyes. Instinctively Jack pulled her into a hug, one hand smoothing her hair while the other rubbed her back, saying nothing. Teal'c had moved into Jack's line of vision, not understanding what had triggered this reaction in Major Carter but knowing that this would give them the opportunity to begin healing.

Eventually Sam pushed away from Jack, looking from him to Teal'c, trying to think of what to say. Jack helped her out.

'Carter - Sam, I know things have been difficult for all of us. I know Daniel's not dead, but that doesn't …' Jack began but was interrupted by Sam giving vent to her pent up emotions and anger.

'And how do you know that, sir? As far as I know Daniel's dead and we didn't even hold a memorial service for him, didn't get the chance to say goodbye. And you pretend that nothing happened, that everything is normal. Well it's not, Daniel's gone and I can't just brush this under the carpet and pretend nothing happened, that he never existed. He was part of our team, our friend, a member of our family for the last five years and it seems as though no one cares. I can't…I can't just ignore my feelings. He's gone, sir, and we're not going to see him again. I don't know if I can…it's going to be so hard…oh god, I miss him so much…' Sam dissolved into tears again, resisting Jack's attempts to comfort her, but eventually unable to fight his persistence and in spite of herself, she began to feel some comfort from his solid presence, from the unique smell that was Colonel O'Neill, that told her that she wasn't alone. This fact was reinforced when she felt Teal'c's bulk settling on the other side of her, his hand patting her back awkwardly, providing her with the reassurance she so badly needed. 

Jack could feel Sam stop shaking and guessed that the worst was over for the time being. He had been considering his next step and took the plunge now, keeping Sam close to him as he spoke, feeling her need to be close to people she trusted, and he knew that in spite of what he had done and said, she still trusted him with her life. Now he had to regain her respect as a friend.

'Sam, I'm sorry, I saw how badly you were taking it, but I dealt with Daniel's leaving in the only way I knew how. It hurt too much to think about him not being around any more, and…' He hesitated before continuing. 'Before he left, he spoke to me, with Oma Desala, in a kind of dream, I guess it was. He said that going with Oma was what he wanted, that he was ready to move on. I knew we wouldn't see him again, but I also knew he wasn't dead and I guess I found it hard to deal with. I'm sorry.'

No one spoke for a while, but eventually Sam pulled away and looked him in the face.

'Why didn't you say anything before, sir?' She looked at him accusingly. 'You knew this and didn't say anything.'

'I know, I should have done, but I can't change what I did, I can only try to put things right between us all and help us remember Daniel. I know Daniel would want us to carry on, he wouldn't want us to be like this, and I reckon he'd be surprised at how much we miss him. He can be pretty unobservant for such a smart guy.' Jack offered this up from the recesses of his heart that he normally kept closely locked away and he was relieved when Sam gave him a small smile of acceptance, appreciating the effort that this had taken, how hard it had been for him to share his feelings.

'I too miss Daniel Jackson,' Teal'c informed them, deciding it was time that they stopped trying to blame someone for how they were feeling. 'We should have a ceremony to mark his leaving. He is not dead, as O'Neill has said, but he was a much loved and respected member of our team and we should commemorate his life.'

'Great idea Teal'c - what do you reckon we should do?' Jack asked, trying to think of something suitable.

'We could get the Asgard to name a ship after him and launch it with a huge bottle of anti-histamines,' Sam suggested, remembering Daniel's allergies and the ship that had been named after the Colonel - only to be destroyed before it had even been completed.

'A new coffee machine for the mess hall would be a fitting memorial,' Teal'c offered, surprising the other two into laughing at how well the Jaffa had understood Daniel's addiction to caffeine.

'We should have a party,' Jack suggested quietly. 'In the gate room. Not a memorial service, but something to celebrate his life and what he's given to us all. The Stargate became his life, it would only be fitting he has a send off from there.'

'Great idea sir,' Sam smiled at him.

'That would indeed be appropriate.' Teal'c supported the idea as well.

They spent the next half hour discussing details, Jack forgetting lunch which had now congealed on the plates on the table and forgetting that Sam should be taking it easy. Jack was busily explaining to Teal'c why they needed to invite so many people when he realised that Sam had dropped out of the conversation, her head was now resting against his shoulder and she was fast asleep. Indicating this development to Teal'c, between them they made her comfortable on the couch, covering her with a comforter to keep her warm and retreated back to the kitchen. SG1 had been made whole again and although they still needed time, they were going to be alright after all.

THE END

*********************

** Words from 'The Snows of New York' by Chris De Burgh. I know it's not a very well known song but he has written some really good stuff and the first time I listened to this song it really said something to me. (I'm a big Chris De Burgh fan in case you hadn't realised!!)

Hope you enjoyed it - please let me know what you thought.

The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-1, the goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-1 Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.


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